Blog #7- A Very Special...

A couple of jokes I'm working on...

Some friends and I were hanging out one night at our usual watering hole, known to most of you as Waffle House. The subject of sexual fantasies came up. And one of them was asked about his fantasy, and without even thinking, he said, “Twins. Two of them. Like the Olsens. Or Tia and Tamera.” I said, “Twins is two. You don’t need to say two twins.” He said, “So. I still want that.” How many guys out here want twins? You want to watch the girls touch and rub on each other like in Cruel Intentions 2? Yeah, there’s a second Cruel Intentions. Raise your hand if you want to see that. These are all advocates of incest. That is disgusting and gross and vile and participating in such an act is a felony in some states. Having twins is like going to Popeye’s for lunch and KFC for dinner. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. I personally do not want twins, but I do like the number 2, if you hear me talking.

With being single, I have developed this strange aura, which I will explain shortly. But with this aura, I was initially in a dilemma about my feelings for having this strange aura, which I will explain shortly. The conclusion that I came to about this strange aura is that I am in a small sense, perversely abnormal. Now I will explain where this dilemma came from. I was at this party, and I was approached by a gay man. He came up to me. “Do you wanna dance with me?” “No thanks.” “Are you straight?” “Yes.” “So you’re not gay?” “Right.” “Are you sure you’re straight?” “I’m certain.” And at that moment, I wondered what is more frustrating to a straight man: to be seen as unattractive, or to be seen as if you don’t like women? So you may ask yourself, what makes me slightly perversely abnormal? It’s more frustrating to be seen as unattractive, because I at least looked good enough to one gay man in a dimly lit room after consuming several alcoholic drinks.

There is something that sitcoms don’t do much anymore, I guess because of certain drama shows that push the envelope so much, that it would seem kinda hokey for a sitcom to do it. I’m talking about the “very special episode.” An episode of Saved By the Bell…the caffeine pill episode. I was neither excited nor scared for Jessie. I was ROTFLMAO. That’s rolling on the floor laughing my ass off for the Internet slang impaired. Sitcoms can’t do the “very special episode” anymore. “On tonight’s episode of Two and Half Men, Jake brings a gun to school.” You know why that won’t happen? It’s been on CSI: Miami eight times already.