I was at a party and Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” came up on the iPod. And this white guy was singing the lyrics--- I ain’t saying she a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke ni--- and he just stopped and asked “Greg is it alright if I say the n-word in this song?” I don’t give a fuck. It’s not my word. I don’t own it. Later on Notorious B.I.G.’s “Big Poppa” came on. He’s knows all the words. “I love it when you call me big poppa/ throw your hands in the air if you’s a true player/ I love it when you call me big poppa / to the honeys getting money playing niggas like dummies---and on that line he looked at me like “Shit I didn’t ask for his permission this time.” Don’t ask a black guy if you can say the n-word because you’re singing along to Kanye or Biggie. There won’t be many guys like me who won’t care. Most of them will laugh in your face…and then walk away without giving you an answer, leaving you confused and/or in fear. Now you have to edit yourself when you sing along, even if you’re by yourself. It sounds ridiculous. "I ain’t saying she a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke n---are any black people watching me?"
I'm trying to get into the open mic at the Star Bar in Atlanta on March 30. I haven't had many public performances, and the only way to get better is to keep going out there. Now some more jokes I'm working on.
I want to write an action movie. I’ve figured out a formula to create the heroes and the villains. The character formula is the same in a lot of movies. The hero, besides all the normal good guy stuff (good looking, funny, 12 inch penis), always has a problem or addiction…like he’s an alcoholic, he smokes crack, or beats his kids…but we like him. He always has a case (if he’s a cop that is) that nearly cost him his job. It will be something like a check cashing place was robbed, but not all the money was recovered. Now the Internal Affairs is investigating him and the chief tells him to keep a low profile, but when the villain takes over the federal building, only the hero has the brains, the looks, and athletic ability to prevail. On the other side, the villain is a villain to provide for his family. The villain always has a daughter. She thinks daddy is a businessman, like he sells insurance or airplane parts. His wife knows exactly what he’s doing. But being the wife of a villain is like being the wife of a drug dealer…you have to turn a blind eye. The less you know, the less the cops can get out of you if you get arrested. Villain is cheating on the wife, probably gave her an STD or two, but she has to keep up that denial in order to survive. Villain can kill you. And the villain always has a favorite food that he eats when talking with a guy who owes him money but hasn’t paid up…sometimes it’s the villain’s wife’s cousin, that’s why he gets a break. But there’s always a scene where he talking to him and he’s eating like a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. “Where’s my money, Louie? (eats cereal) I loaned you $10,000 two months ago. I have not received one payment. (slurps milk) You’re lucky you’re my wife’s cousin.”
Racial slurs are interesting to me. When words like nigger, spic, chink, and Communist are used, you know who’s being talked about. What’s funny is that later on some white lady is gonna come up to me and say “Those words are offensive to me.” I will respond “How are those words offensive to you? You made them up bitch.” White people made up all racial slurs. There isn’t a racial slur for white people. “Honky” and “cracker” are not good enough. Why? Because those words don’t get bleeped out on television.
The following video is still hilarious to me, and it even inspired and an episode of the Boondocks, "The S-Word."
I have more jokes...just never posted them...here you go...
I may not talk about economics a lot, but I do notice some things. Everybody who has some money, thinks they’re poor. But poor people, if they are able to eat everyday, believe they are rich in some aspect. Rich people somehow say something about being poor that makes them look like snobs and/or spoiled idiots. Remember a basketball player named Latrell Sprewell? He was that guy who choked his coach about 10 years ago. He was playing for Minnesota, it was the last year of his contract, and he didn’t like what the team was offering. Reporters were asking if was going to play out his contract and then become a free agent after the season. He said and I quote ''Why would I want to help them win a title? They're not doing anything for me. I'm at risk. I have a lot of risk here. I got my family to feed.'' He was due to make 14.6 million dollars. That’s 178,000 a game. Is his family a small country? Was he like John McCain, thinking that he was being treated like a middle class citizen?
I’ve dabbled in a few conversations about Michael Vick, and I think that he got a fair deal. But I am a theatre major at a liberal college, therefore, my opinion differs from…vegans and hippies. Vegans and hippies are saying Vick should stay in jail for the dogfighting ring stuff. He should stay in jail for dogfighting? Listen to these names of NFL players, whether you watch football or not. Adam Pac-man Jones…beats up strippers and will tell his bodyguards to shoot you if you fuck with him. Leonard Little, driving drunk, killed another driver. Donte Stallworth…driving drunk, killed a man crossing the street. Stallworth may not go to jail because the man was possibly jaywalking…and homeless. Jamal Lewis conspired to sell cocaine. They did not go to jail!!! You may be asking “Greg, you value a human life over an animal’s life?” You damn right I am. Look at it like this. If I was living with my girlfriend, and we had a dog, but me and my girl were fighting so much that I was at a point where I was imagining her death, and then the house suddenly catches on fire, and I only had time to save the dog or the girl, I would say “Rufus, despite the many good things I hear about beastiality, I’m probably about to have the best make-up sex in my girlfriend’s mother’s basement, so…good luck buddy.” Below, a commercial I still think is bad-ass.
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