Blog #11- Villains and Negroes...

I'm trying to get into the open mic at the Star Bar in Atlanta on March 30. I haven't had many public performances, and the only way to get better is to keep going out there. Now some more jokes I'm working on.

I want to write an action movie. I’ve figured out a formula to create the heroes and the villains. The character formula is the same in a lot of movies. The hero, besides all the normal good guy stuff (good looking, funny, 12 inch penis), always has a problem or addiction…like he’s an alcoholic, he smokes crack, or beats his kids…but we like him. He always has a case (if he’s a cop that is) that nearly cost him his job. It will be something like a check cashing place was robbed, but not all the money was recovered. Now the Internal Affairs is investigating him and the chief tells him to keep a low profile, but when the villain takes over the federal building, only the hero has the brains, the looks, and athletic ability to prevail. On the other side, the villain is a villain to provide for his family. The villain always has a daughter. She thinks daddy is a businessman, like he sells insurance or airplane parts. His wife knows exactly what he’s doing. But being the wife of a villain is like being the wife of a drug dealer…you have to turn a blind eye. The less you know, the less the cops can get out of you if you get arrested. Villain is cheating on the wife, probably gave her an STD or two, but she has to keep up that denial in order to survive. Villain can kill you. And the villain always has a favorite food that he eats when talking with a guy who owes him money but hasn’t paid up…sometimes it’s the villain’s wife’s cousin, that’s why he gets a break. But there’s always a scene where he talking to him and he’s eating like a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. “Where’s my money, Louie? (eats cereal) I loaned you $10,000 two months ago. I have not received one payment. (slurps milk) You’re lucky you’re my wife’s cousin.”

Racial slurs are interesting to me. When words like nigger, spic, chink, and Communist are used, you know who’s being talked about. What’s funny is that later on some white lady is gonna come up to me and say “Those words are offensive to me.” I will respond “How are those words offensive to you? You made them up bitch.” White people made up all racial slurs. There isn’t a racial slur for white people. “Honky” and “cracker” are not good enough. Why? Because those words don’t get bleeped out on television.

The following video is still hilarious to me, and it even inspired and an episode of the Boondocks, "The S-Word."